The GS Diaries
by Vappa
Summary: Life wasn't as sugary sweet as the game would have you think! Don't take Ivan's Rod, it'll make him cry.. *update!* Can you figure out the mystery that is Alex?
1. The Secret Diary of GARET

Hey-ho, disclaimer! I don't own Garet, or stupid Isaac, or precious Ivan, or blue-haired chick, or any other Golden Sun related jargon. Neither do I own maps with big yellow Ms on it. 

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The Secret Diary of Garet Day 1 

Had nasty run-in with Halloween rejects. Should not have commented, as ended up unconscious on ground shortly after. Not my fault.

_3 years later_

Day 1 

Fell through Isaac's roof. Needs stronger hay. Not my fault. 

Day 2 

Halloween rejects stole shiny objects from Sanctum. Kraden upset. Isaac upset. Jenna kidnapped. Not my fault.

Day 3 

Off on mission to save world. Should have listened to conversation in hindsight. Thought it was mission to buy potato chips from Imil. Oh well. Not to worry.

Day 10 

Beginning to think epic quest not all its cracked up to be.

Day 12 

Came into Vault. Met some strange kid who can apparently read minds. If he read MY mind …

Stupid kid. Wants us to find his special stick. Pfft.

Day 13 

Beat up some thieves. Recovered precious Ivan's precious stick. Was going to loot thieves pockets before Isaac butted in. "Noooo Garet, this stuff belongs to the towwwns people." Tripped him over with axe for revenge.

Day 15 

Stupid Isaac. "Oh look at me, I'm the LEADER!" 

Day 20 

Weird forest with pixie dust. Or IS it pixie dust? Ivan seems to think it may be something else. Said he'd seen magical powders before.

Very dodgy kid.

Day 21 

Damned trees. Trying to kill us and all. Suggested big bonfire, but Isaac said we must "fix the evil". Beginning to think Isaac off his rocker.

Day 24 

Bloody Ivan. Whinging about his lost Master Ham-net. Set his cloak on fire when he wasn't looking. Very amusing.

Day 32 

Woke up to find Ivan staring at me. Suspect he knows about the flaming cloak thing.

Day 35 

Reached Imil. Very cold. As usual, Isaac gate-crashed every house. Serious manner problems that man. Found some blue-haired chick healing sick guy. If healing really does mean slipping a Panadol into old guy's mouth whilst he's distracted by "magic Psynergy lights".

Day 36 

Up on top of lighthouse. Windy as hell. Big fiasco with guys who lit the flame. Looked more like a disco ball to me. Had a tussle with large blue-faced guy. Kneed him in his "weak-spot". 

Isaac taking all the credit. Stupid Isaac.

**Day 38**

Hi-ho, hi-ho, off to … somewhere. Least Mia has a map. Strange map with big yellow "M" signs all over it, but still map. 

Day 47 

In a temple. Mia upset because it doesn't have a big yellow "M" sign. 

Kicking people while they meditate is fun.

Day 50 

Stuuupid Isaac. "Let's go across the Lamakan Desrt, because it's a shoooort cut." 

Am walking around with eyes shut, as Ivan using opportunity to remove all his clothes. Ew.

Day 53 

Bored.

Day 54 

Bored.

Day 55 

Bored.

Day 56 

Bored.

Day 57 

Killed a wolf!

Day 58 

Boooooooooooring…

Day 60 

Oh look, a TOWN. There's something you don't see every day! Kalay very boring though. Ivan's home. No big "M" signs here either. 

Day 61 

Laughed myself stupid listening to Ivan trying to explain to Lady Layana how he'd "lost" Master Ham-hock and "lost" the Shaman's Rod, and then "found" set of 3 companions, and how he was on a "quest" to "save the world".

…More like Isaac's World Tour of Angara Mach 1.

Day 62 

Isaac all uppity about Colosso. Says he wants to enter. Agreed with him, as will likely end in his tears.

Day 64 

At sea. Nasty monsters. Mia seasick. Unfair, as I'm bunking with her. Yuck.

Day 66 

Ivan wanted to show me what kind of magic his Shaman's Rod can do…

Not quite what I expected, but still educational.

Day 67 

Isaac spotted me pushing Ivan overboard. Party pooper.

**Day 70**

Signed Isaac up to Colosso. What fun, must stand around the arena and "help" him out. Cheater.

Day 71 

Mistakenly forgot to move pillar for Isaac whilst distracted by Ivan and his antics with Shaman's Rod and unsuspecting guard. Isaac very annoyed with broken leg. Ha ha.

Day 72 

Had audience with some old guy in a bed. Some business with lemurs and a chemist. Isaac decided we'd go on this guys quest. Isaac the wonder boy, doesn't need his COMPANIONS input. 

Spotted Mia cutting off Isaac's hair while he slept. Obviously I'm not the only person annoyed with fearless leader.

**Day 76**

On the roooooaaaad agaaaaaaaaain! 

Day 78 

Took Mia's nail polish and hid it in Ivan's bag. Gonna be good fun tonight.

Day 79 

Mia found her nail polish. Ivan unconscious. Life is good.

Day 80 

Not ANOTHER desert. Stupid continent.

Day 83 

Ivan keeps sneaking up on Isaac in the dark and belting him with Shaman's Rod. Isaac most displeased.  Subsequently throttles Ivan each time. Such a heroic leader.

Day 86 

Walked right past lighthouse before Isaac realized it. Stupid-head. Spent hours searching lighthouse for something. Can't remember what, seeing as did not find it.

**Day 88**

Lalivero nice town. Bit sandy though. Ivan keeps glancing at me when he thinks I'm not looking. Do not want repeat of Shaman Rod incident. Am keeping him at bay with giant raging firewalls.

Day 89 

Just how many lighthouses does this continent have?

Day 90 

And why is the inside of Venus Lighthouse blue?

Day 91 

Had mega-battle with fenrirs, ogres and fluffy bunnies. Was going great till Isaac slammed sword hilt on my head. Said it was an accident. Didn't stop me from blasting him to kingdom-come. 

Stupid Isaac.

Day 93 

Beginning to see pattern between lighthouses and strange blue man and pink woman. Blue man took Shaman's Rod. Ivan in hysterics. Had big fight. Isaac knocked out. Yay! Sadly knocked out myself. Woke up, no more blue man and pink woman. Huge farkin' dragon though. Distressing.

Day 94 

Felix jumped off lighthouse. Should someone have told him that bungee jumping usually requires rope?

Day 107 

Fearless leader said we're going on quest to find Jenna. What are we, Quests R Us? 

Found a stick in the woods, then carved "Shaman's Rod" into the big end. Ivan seemed convinced. Anything to stop him crying about his magical staff.

Day 108 

Big ship plus Isaac equals journey. Go figure. Perhaps find places with big yellow "M" signs?


	2. The Secret Diary of ISAAC

Disc.! I don't own fabulous leader Isaac, stupid Garet, don't own scary psychic person, don't own sickeningly happy girl, or any other Golden Sunners! Do not own maps with big yellow M's! Do not own Shaman's Plank/Pole/Spear/Lance/Rod..

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**The Secret Diary Of Isaac**

**Day 1**

Hmm. Someone should do something about large boulders high on mountain. Safety risk there.

Day 2 

Too late.

_3 years later_

Day 1 

Must stop holding rave parties on roof. Straw not very supportive of twenty odd teens.

Day 2 

Went with Kraden, Jenna and Garet to Sol Sanctum. Somehow kept tripping over something that was never there when I looked again. On the other hand, Garet's axe is in his hand..

Day 3 

Because of his love for shiny things, Kraden goes and ruins mystical balance of world. Good one. Also turns out Felix alive. No one tells me anything.

Day 4 

Towns people seem to think because WE were with Kraden, WE must fix what HE broke. Grawr. Garet no help. But no matter. Accept mission with heroic humbility… is that a word?

Day 7 

Wish Garet would stop randomly setting trees on fire. Wish he would stop randomly setting ME on fire.

Day 12 

Wonder if Vault is named so because of huge bank safes? 

Met scary psychic person. Said he could read minds. Hope he did not read my mind, especially the part about the chickens last summer…

Agreed to find his whimsical stick of power.

Day 13 

How fulfilling it is to apprehend villains! Found those rascals who stole Ivan's Shaman pole, and got it back. Also got back the town's peoples gear. No thanks needed, it's all for the good of the world!

Day 15 

Stingy Vaulters. Not even a thank you.

Day 16 

Continuing on from Vault, we are off to apprehend the scoundrels who stole Ivan's master. Fear not, for help is with thee! Doust thou doubteth thine companions?!

Day 17 

Garet called me a "stupid prat on a power trip" because of Ye Olde Englishee speak. Have stopped. Stupid Garet.

Day 22 

Pretty sparkly woods! 

Day 23 

Damned paralyzing sparkles.

Day 24 

Off to Imil for magical water to heal magical trees taken over by magical evil! 

Day 30 

Ivan still following us. Annoying little git. Funny when his cape's on fire though.

Day 34 

Imil very … white. Full of sick people too. Ick. Some sickeningly happy girl shoving Panadols down their throats whilst boasting "magical Psynergy powers". Resisting urge to throttle.

Day 35 

Oh look, a lighthouse. Better go have a looksee, being on mission from God and all…

Wait .. not God, Wise One.

Day 37 

Biiiiig battle on lighthouse. Garet all gung-ho, got blue guy's sword in his arm. Ha ha. Course I saved the day. Oh, happy-chappy girl helped. Really is adept. Fancy that. 

Day 45 

Following Mia's map turned out disastrous. Not to mention no big "M" signs where they should be. Learning about martial arts at this temple though, so not total waste. "Accidently" elbowed Garet in the face when he made snide comment about my sword skills.

Not like he's the great expert.

Day 51 

Shortcut through desert not quite best idea I've had. Ivan stripping at every opportunity. Ick. Garet walking around with eyes shut, smacking into walls. 

Day 52 

Why doesn't Mia just call up some storm clouds or something? Useless girl.

Day 54 

Something keeps hitting me in the dark. Must find culprit.

Day 55 

Alright, who put the toads in my sleeping bag?

Day 59 

Growing tired of "companions" treating me badly. Told them to lighten up or would not give them any more guidance. They just laughed.

Idiots.

Day 60 

Kalay very pretty. Big castle. Ivan all upset because has to explain to "my mistress" that he somehow lost a large number of people.

Find that hard to believe, seeing as he reads minds. Surely he has tracking beacon as well?

Day 61 

Colosso colosso colosso! Fun fun fun! 

Day 63 

Having great time destroying sea creatures whilst on a ship. Sword slashes in hull minor problem. Ah well. That's what the tour group is for.

Day 66 

Oh. My. God. WHAT were Garet and Ivan DOING with that Shaman's Lance? May have nightmares for days.

Day 68 

Realised have not being paying attention to Mia. Went to see her, only to be confronted with highly peeved Mia throwing knives at the door. Must be "that-time-of-the-moon-cycle" again.

Day 71 

Colosso very big event! So excited! Ignoring moans of protest from comrades. This is my time to shine.

Gave them small tasks to help me out during contest. Using all your resources is hardly cheating. Right?

Day 72 

Must have discussion with Garet about keeping his mind on the job and not Ivan's Shaman's Plank.

Was invited to meet ruler of Tolbi. Babi nice guy. Gave us new quest. Find lost land with magical healing power thingies. Seems to fear dieing. Suggestion that he should just die gracefully went unnoticed.

Rulers, pfft.

Day 74 

My hair seems to be more uneven than I remembered.

Day 77 

Am ignoring Mia's accusations that I stole her nail polish. How rude. Blue isn't my colour anyway.

Day 79 

Becoming disturbed to find Ivan smothering Garet with pillow in the dark.

Day 81 

Have come to notice that desert travel is very uncomfortable. Especially when members of team can't keep their clothes on.

Day 82 

Something keeps whacking me in the dark, then runs off giggling. We'll just see about THAT..

Day 84 

Whack monster turns out to be Ivan. Gave him good throttling. 

Garet complaining about how "this quest is going on too long, and you've got us on another quest to boot, and there AREN'T any big yellow M's to be seen, and Ivan won't give me any privavy, and blah blah blah I'm a stupid idiot who won't stop complaining to fabulous leader who I'd be lost without." I told him that he had to be steadfast in his duty. Our quest is a serious matter, and we can't afford to ever be distracted from it.

Day 85 

OH MY GOD LOOK AT THE CUTE LITTLE BUNNIES! 

Day 90 

Found the Venus Lighthouse. Am looking for some of those little bunnies, as they hopped away rather fast. Did not tell team, as they would question my leadership authority. Told them to look for secret doors and moving statues, whilst on own quest for cute ickle bunnies.

Day 92 

Thwapped Garet when he tried to sneak off during an important battle. Subsequently got a fire wave to the face. So touchy.

Day 95 

Oooer. Sore head. Those evil guys and Felix and some other weird kid were at top of lighthouse. Got all hissy because we happened to beat them. Accidently got suckered into giving Shaman's Oar away. Ivan not happy. In fact, Ivan crying hysterically as we speak. Garet being a stick-in-the-mud and not comforting him.

Oh yeah. Won battle. Go us!

Day 96 

Seeing as Felix and freaky-Jupiter-adept-girl-person went lighthouse-diving, we decided to check the surrounding countryside for Jenna and … that guy. The one who also got kidnapped. Whats his name .. Kraken. 

Day 105 

No luck. STILL no big M signs. Beginning to think Mia's map a fake. 

Day 107 

Have come into possession of mighty big-assed ship. Joy! Always wanted to go sailing across the sea. Companions not so happy. Screw them. I'm the leader, they do what I tell them to. Least Ivan happy, Garet duped him with fake Shaman Branch. 

**Day 108**

And we're off! Hyperhyperhyperhyper… Mia seasick, Ivan snuggling stick, Garet shooting seagulls with fireballs. All's well. On the hunt for big yellow M's! (Oh.. and those two people we're missing…)


	3. The Secret Diary of IVAN

Sorreh I took so long! Writers block . . . or homework, whatever you will XD. Anyway, I don't own any of the GS fellaship, nor the maps with yellow arches. And what I says goes! * Gets beaten to death with Shaman's Rod *  
  
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The Secret Diary Of Ivan  
  
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Day 1  
  
I just KNEW I shouldn't have bet the Shaman's Rod and all my clothes in that poker game.  
  
Day 2  
  
Master Hammet sent me out of the caravan to buy some boot wax. But when I came back, everyone had left. They must have forgotten I was here. . .  
  
Day 4  
  
So boring in this town. No pubs either.  
  
Day 5  
  
Met some rather strange individuals in the hotel. One of them had some very disturbing thoughts about chickens and socks, whilst the other was just disturbing in that he wanted to wring my neck. Seemed to read out of their minds that they're warriors, so asked if they could get the Shaman's Rod back.  
  
Took something drastic to persuade them. Gonna be sore for a month.  
  
Day 6  
  
They found it! Goodygoodygoodygoody . . . Isaac not that bad. Garet an asswipe though. May go to Lunpa to find Master Hammet, he's still got my sparkly hair gel.  
  
Day 10  
  
Got all the way to Lunpa to find out they don't let anyone in. Honestly, what's the point of a town when you can't get into it? Even the Shaman's Rod wouldn't move the guards. Although, the one on the left seemed quite keen on it for a while.  
  
Day 11  
  
Grumble. Isaac and Garet caught up with me again. Isaac's cloak looked a little burnt, wonder how that happened. Told them I didn't need any help. Not entirely true, but like I'm going to tell them THAT! Garet would probably jump for joy.  
  
Day 13  
  
Resolve failed. Joined Isaac and Garet for moral support.  
  
Day 14  
  
Day was going quite nicely till Garet set me on fire. Terrible burn marks in places I'd rather not think about. Will get revenge.  
  
Day 17  
  
Strange paralyzing sparkles around here. Manages to flip Garet into awkward position just before they froze him. Most amusing.  
  
Day 20  
  
The world according to Garet: everything that can be burned, should be burned.  
  
Day 26  
  
Isaac going on and on about "righteous virtue of mission" and "saviour of humanity". Am quite sure he doesn't mean Garet and me. He's so far up himself he can probably see out the other side.  
  
Day 27  
  
Rare cooperation with Garet to "accidentally" push Isaac into freezing river. May not stop laughing for hours.  
  
Day 29  
  
Imil nice town. Bit frigid though, kinda like the people. REALLY annoying healer girl. That cannot be her natural hair colour. Tried to mind-read her, but couldn't. Her mind was just . . . empty.  
  
Day 32  
  
In Mercury Lighthouse. Nothing light about it, dreary as hell in here. Needs some windows, maybe some lace curtains . . . those statues HAVE to go. Am I the only one in Angara with fashion sense?  
  
Day 33  
  
Yes, I am.  
  
Day 34  
  
Found some nasty people on the top of the lighthouse. Most HORRENDOUS clothes I have ever seen. Almost fainted. That girl they kidnapped is a looker though . . . Garet thinks so too. Perhaps he'll express his love by setting her on fire?  
  
Day 37  
  
Beat those fashion rejects. Turns out they want to destroy world. Like that'll happen, with clothes like theirs.  
  
Heading off again. Isaac may be making mistake by following Mia's peculiar map marked with yellow arches. Never seen things like that.  
  
Day 42  
  
Trekking is hell on my complexion. Am enduring ridicule from Garet about using moisturizer. I'm not getting any younger, after all.  
  
Day 46  
  
Lama Temple most disturbing. How people can sit around all day with their eyes closed is a mystery. No yellow arches. Mia upset for some reason. Then again, she's ALWAYS upset about something.  
  
Day 48  
  
FAR too hot in this desert. Must take off some clothes.  
  
Day 53  
  
Becoming bored. Have taken to pelting Isaac with rocks in the dark. Useless git. One cannot be a leader if they don't actually lead something once in a while.  
  
Day 55  
  
Isaac so petty. Went and destroyed some lizards minding their own business just because "they looked evil."  
  
Day 57  
  
It's been three days since Garet set me on fire. Must be a record.  
  
Day 59  
  
Made it to Kalay (at last). Had just gotten in the front door of the castle when realized I had to tell Lady Layana about Master Hammet. Had massive nervous breakdown, with Isaac hauling me by the feet into the room. Promptly tornadoed him out the window. Bastard.  
  
Day 63  
  
Managed to get out of Kalay without the fifty or so people I owe money to realizing I was there. Unfortunately trapped on boat with loads of tourists, sea monsters and one very annoying Isaac. Why me?  
  
Day 64  
  
Honestly, there is no privacy in this world. Just showing Garet the Rod, when Isaac comes barging in . . . he seemed quite shocked about something then left. How bizarre.  
  
Day 65  
  
Mia awfully tense. Was just sitting at breakfast table then started screaming at Isaac and throwing the milk jug at him. Worried about her, but can't say I don't agree with her feelings about Isaac.  
  
Day 68  
  
Isaac making us cheat for Colosso. Has he no pride?  
  
. . . no.  
  
Day 69  
  
Was casually showing guard the Shaman's Rod when heard horrific scream, then a thump. Turned out to be Isaac falling from extreme height, so did not warrant my attention.  
  
Day 70  
  
Some Lord Babi wants us to find his magical drink. For some reason Isaac decided to take the quest up. Felt like kicking his broken leg, but that would be unfair. Besides, Garet did it for me.  
  
Day 73  
  
Mia quite good with scissors. Isaac most perplexed as to why brushing his hair feels different. Ha.  
  
Day 77  
  
Head hurts after Mia decked me for taking her nail polish. How on earth did it get in my bag? Suspect Garet involved, as he hasn't set me on fire for quite a while, he's been too quiet.  
  
Day 78  
  
Attempt to suffocate Garet with pillow failed, as Isaac woke up and yelled. Stupid Isaac.  
  
Day 81  
  
Hitting Isaac with Shaman's Rod most satisfying.  
  
Day 82  
  
Until he found out. Finger marks on neck. Using concealer.  
  
Day 84  
  
Feeling pouty, as Mia stole my lip gloss. Stupid girl should bring her own. It was my favourite blueberry one too.  
  
Day 86  
  
My God, are all the lighthouses in Angara tacky? Stone is so last century.  
  
Garet most unresponsive. Jerk.  
  
Day 90  
  
Those fashion disasters turned up on the roof again, along with newly recruited lackies. Some talk about Felix being a traitor . . . SO tedious. Then they took the Shaman's Rod! Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod . . . WAAAAAAH!  
  
Don't remember much else.  
  
Day 103  
  
GARET FOUND THE SHAMAN'S ROD! Will love him till day I die . . . or next week. So happy, even with imminent sea voyage approaching.  
  
Day 105  
  
On ship. Very depressed, Isaac didn't even let us go shopping first. I needed new bath lotion too. Notfairnotfairnotfairnotfair. . .  
  
Garet said as soon as the shore is out of site, Isaac's swimming with the fishes. Can't wait! 


	4. The Secret Diary of MIA

It's been many a moon since I wrote one of these! So I'll apologise . . . sorry ;_;

Anyway, a disclaimer. I don't own Mia, or idiots' one, two or three, or suspicious looking characters, or the ancient map of arches. Oh, the Shaman's Rod doesn't belong to me either. And contrary to popular belief, Mia doesn't own her hair colour. It's dyed XD.

**-------------------**

**The Secret Diary Of Mia**

**-------------------**

Day 1 

Goodness, Alex is taking his time getting the milk. He went to the shops three months ago. . .

Day 2 

Healing is such a bore. Why do these people get sick so often? Honestly, it's like a morgue around here.

Day 3 

Getting bad vibes. Might be that weird cupcake I ate though. . .

Day 5 

Was minding my own business, healing the sick and all, when three absolute strangers come barging into the house. Well, one barged in. The other two followed with scowls. First one just proceeds to rip through drawers and barrels. Kids today, no manners at all. Evicted them with ice storm.

Day 6 

Oh for heaven's sake, NOW those three lunatics are breaking into the lighthouse. Must not let them in there. Secret stash of magazines might be discovered.

Day 8 

Had absolutely terrible time. Was bossed around by idiot number one, called Isaac, who seems to be a self-appointed jackass. Idiots two and three spent their time attempting to murder each other, or Isaac. Was quite tempted to try it myself.

Day 9 

Up on top of lighthouse. Some rather suspicious characters were up there, rambling on about some star or something. Ivan was giving them the weirdest looks, like they had three heads. Proceeded to have immense battle with the guy with Mohawk. Wonder if he had unfortunate accident in tub of blue dye when young?

Day 10 

Find myself on ridiculous quest to "save world". At least, that's what Isaac says. Get the feeling Garet and Ivan are just along for the ride. Decided to be helpful, and brought ancient map of the arches to help. 

Day 14 

Desert very hot. Might have been bearable if Ivan kept his shirt on. Literally. Isaac asked if I wanted to take my top off because of the heat. Promptly beat him round the head. Pervert.

Day 15 

Optimistic nature beginning to fade. 

Day 16 

Going. . . 

Day 17 

Going . . .

Day 18 

Isaac ordered a training session under the sun.

Gone.

Day 23 

Finally made it out of desert. At Lama Temple. Very strange business with waterfalls and orbs of power. So boring. Had massage with five burly men. Most pleasing.

Day 25 

More desert. Yawn. Beginning to think Ivan raised in strip club.

**Day 28**

Isaac all snotty about the weather. "Why can't YOU call up some RAINCLOUDS Mia?" Very well, Mr. Fancypants. . .

Day 29 

Grudgingly saved Isaac from monsoonal downpour with Garet's help. Garet told me I was officially "one of the group" now. Oh joy, I can die happy.

Day 30 

Reached Kalay. Took first opportunity I had to steal Isaac's wallet and go shopping. He didn't notice. Ivan did though. Demanded to come shopping with me. Must admit, he has excellent sense of colour design.

Day 32 

Oh, hate ships. Hate them. Hate Isaac. Very nearly got him with knives. Must aim better next time.

Day 33 

Honestly, he is so useless. Asked me to pass the milk. Threw it at his head. Garet and Ivan thought it was very funny.

Day 34 

Some business with war-games. If they want to go grappling with sweaty men then go right ahead. Going to sneak off to the local fashion show.

Day 35 

Had just bought a lovely silk blouse when disgruntled Ivan found me. Said something about Isaac's leg being broken. Stared at him. Also said that Isaac won large amount of money. Went with Ivan to hotel room.

Day 37 

For no reason, cut Isaac's hair. Feel better about second quest now.

Day 40 

WHO STOLE MY NAIL POLISH?!

Day 41 

Bloody Ivan.

Day 42 

Gave Garet some prompting to set Ivan on fire. Didn't take much. Stole his bubble bath while he was jumping into a lake. Strawberry flavoured? Ivan very . . . feminine.

Day 45 

Oh dear, my roots are starting to show. Belted Isaac across the head then searched his pack. Nothing useful, just large amounts of chicken feathers and a book called "Karma Sutra For Angaran Men". Have no idea what that's about.

Day 51 

Found another lighthouse. Map not much use after all. Whoever wrote it should be subjected to a lecture from Isaac.

Day 52 

Spotted Isaac running past in a corridor, mumbling about "fluffy bunnies, must be here. . ." Think he has finally gone quite mad. 

Day 53 

Not that he was sane to begin with.

Day 55 

Large battle on lighthouse top. Seems to be popular for this sort of thing. Motley assortment of people, including Alex. That little rat bastard. He didn't even have the milk.

Day 56 

Ivan WILL NOT stop crying! It was only the Shaman's Rod, I don't see what the big deal is. He didn't complain this much even when I swiped his aromatherapy stuff. Garet staying about 20 metres away from him at all times. Isaac on a high from battle victory. May push him off wall tonight.

**Day 67**

Seem to be heading across the sea for some reason. Luckily managed to buy perfume, makeup, flowers, chocolate, and a new pair of fluffy slippers before we left. Ivan annoyed, he missed out. At least he stopped crying when Garet gave him that tree branch. Honestly, how daft can that boy be?

Isaac standing at railing. Doesn't see Garet behind him. Something tells me this journey will be a long one.


	5. The Secret Diary of SATUROS

It's been, what, five months? Seventeen? Anyway. I've been hit on the head with a rather heavy Maths text book, and decided to try my hand at another diary. Yes, I'm scared too. If it's a shocker, please don't be afraid of telling me. I doubt my own humorness at the moment. Suggestions welcome. Just leave my secretary, Ivan, a message :D

**-------------------**

**The Secret Diary Of Saturos**

**-------------------**

Day 1 

Heading off on journey-of-terrible-danger-doom-and-the-like. So tiresome. Burdened with "I am so a natural blonde!" Menardi. Good grief.

Day 4 

Menardi such a scrag.

Day 6 

Reminder to self: Do not call Menardi a scrag when she has a large sickle in hand and is searching for booby traps in special shiny chamber.

Three Years Later 

Day 1 

Entered big shiny chamber. Intelligently said nothing about that scrag incident three years ago. Waiting for others to turn up. Expect Felix to be fashionably late, and Alex to do some sparkly flashy thing when he arrives. Show off.

Day 2 

Thought Sol Sanctum was idiot proof. Apparently not. Arrived back from shopping expedition to the camping store and found pack of scruffy kids and ugly old man in special shiny room. Had those rather appealing balls with them. Told them to give them back or would blast them to the moon. Kids not smart. Felix showed up with some stupid mask on his face, and had angsty confrontation with scruffy kid sister. Funny. Alex ponced in on his beam of blue light, late as usual. Asked where he had been. Alex replied "It's a secret." 

Damned idiot.

Day 3 

Menardi had hissy fit and kidnapped scruffy sister of Felix and ugly old man. Needed new blood to have angry gossip with I suppose. As long as she quits telling me about that time she dated Agatio and he stood her up for her sister. Smart man if you ask me.

Day 6 

Alex v. annoying. Won't answer any questions. At all. Fine. See if I ask him what he wants for Christmas then.

Day 10 

Travel so boring. Scruffy sister of Felix v. whiney. "Where are you taking us? Why did you steal the Stars? Where have you been all this time Felix? Who stole my sparkly hairband? What's Alex's shoe size? Saturos, is blue your natural colour?" Honestly. Of COURSE it's my natural colour. Stupid twat. 

Day 11 

Finally asked Menardi where we were going. Listened to ranting for seventeen minutes before could figure out that we were going to some lighthouse up north. Asked her why. Menardi threw another fit. "DON'T YOU KNOW OUR MISSION? YOU STUPID DAFT IDIOT, WHY DID THE ELDERS PICK _YOU _TO COME? DON'T THEY TRUST ME? I COULD DO THIS MISSION WITH MY HANDS TIED BEHIND MY BACK!" 

Was saved by Alex teleporting right onto Menardi's head.

Day 12 

Humpf. Felix no fun. Suspect he prefers company of Alex to me. Especially since that scorpion incident. I did tell him I meant to slip it into Menardi's bag, but don't think he believed me.

Day 13 

Seems that scruffy kids from element room are "chasing" us. Menardi yelled at me, telling me to fix my mistake. MY mistake? Who was it that decided to drop all our rubbish along the way, because it was too heavy for her to carry? 

Day 14 

Have brilliant plan.

Day 17 

Brilliant plan did not work. Jenna did not appreciate being tied to tree as decoy.

Day 18 

Have another brilliant plan.

Day 19 

Scruffy kids somehow saw through that fake postcard from Kalay I sent saying "Wish you were here!" Suspect they didn't approve of saucy half-naked picture of Alex on the card either. Also suspect Alex didn't approve. He shouldn't leave his stuff in such easy to reach places anyway. Anyone can rummage through a _beach bag_, for goodness sake.

Day 21 

Ow. Battle did not go well. Scruffy kids have picked up stick-obsessed blondie and dippy blue-haired girl. And I thought our group was laughable. Menardi pissed. But then, what's new?

Day 25 

Alex on the run from Jenna. Told him not to steal her scrunchie, but would not listen. Most entertaining anyway.

Day 26 

Found Alex in a cave. Asked me not to tell Jenna where he was. Replied "It's ok, it's a secret."

Went outside and informed Jenna on Alex's whereabouts.

Day 28 

Alex most irritable. Keeps attempting to throw me off cliffs. V. annoying. Luckily dodged and got to see him collide with Menardi and fall over cliff. Happy.

Day 29 

Unfortunately Menardi not dead. Thought Felix would cry when she screamed that we were all incompetent fools with mud-for-brains. Wonder why.

Day 30 

Oh dear god. Felix has the hots for Menardi.

Day 34 

Snuck up on Alex in the dark. Set fire to his pants. Ran off screaming into the river. Most interestingly found a pot of blue hair dye on the floor.

Blackmail material. Not a secret anymore, buck-o.

Day 35 

Alex being awfully nice and fawny. Ick. Almost wish I didn't know about the hair thing. Almost. Am enjoying beating him up with the flowers he gives me though.

Day 38 

Where the hell are we?

Day 39 

Had to backtrack fifty miles, as had forgotten the ugly old man. Stupid of me, Menardi says. It wasn't my turn to keep track of him, it was Felix's! Felix denies, says it was Alex's turn. Alex denies, says it was Menardi's turn. Menardi denies, burns half the hair off his head. Jenna says nothing.

Day 41 

Knew that Felix was up to something. Found poetry book when going through his stuff. Full of Menardi-verses. Almost threw up on the spot. Instead, pocketed book.

Day 45 

Felix fretting over lost book, though doesn't say that's why. Keeps jumping on people and screaming "I KNOW YOU'VE GOT IT!! GIVE IT TO ME!!" Scared some poor old dear at the supermarket.

Day 47 

Traveling through desert. Have taken to writing bits of Felix's poetry all over the walls at night. Most amusing when he wakes up and sees it. Menardi getting suspicious of the verse: "I love her, but she hates me, her anger burns faster than a tree."

Day 48 

Alex popped out of nowhere like usual. This time had some demented blonde girl with him. Called her "my compass". What on earth is the matter with these people?

**Day 50**

Compass girl not so bad. Kicked Menardi in the shins and called her a ho. Think I like her.

Day 52 

Woke up to find Alex sitting on my chest, staring at me. Asked what he was doing. Replied "It's a secret." Promptly punched him in the face.

Day 53 

Alex has broken nose. Haha. Who's the prettiest now? Not him, that's for sure.

Day 54 

Felix looking at me evilly. Does he know?

**Day 63**

He knew. Woke up on the banks of a river chained to a log, with a note saying "I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER." Trying to remember what I did last summer. . .

Day 64 

Oh.

**Day 65**

Stupid Felix. Thinks he can blackmail me so easily. He still doesn't know that I know about his sordid affair with Isaac in the snow lodge. Amazing what diaries can tell you about a guy.

Day 66 

Felix v. annoying. Finally cracked it and buried him in a sand dune. Jenna says that wasn't very nice. Well boo-hoo.

Day 68 

Compass girl lead us through the desert. Most useful party member yet. Wonder if I could trade Menardi in for a horse?

Probably would only get a donkey for that piece of work.

Day 70 

Passed lighthouse on the way to Lalivero. Felix and Alex chose that moment to confront me about poetry book and hair dye and Isaac-shagging. Told them it was Jenna. They believed it too. Morons.

Day 71 

Overheard interesting conversation. Heard someone say "I can't take it any more. SHAG ME!" Explosion ensued.

Day 72 

Felix looks quite good burnt black like that. It works for him.

Day 75 

Up the lighthouse we go. Alex disappeared again. Good riddance.

Day 76 

Was backed into a corner by Jenna. She said "I can't take it any more. SHAG ME!" 

Must be a genetic trait or something.

Day 77 

The hillbillies caught up with us again. Was most amused when leader ordered an attack, and his crew stood around filing their nails. 

**Day 78**

Oh dear god, I'm fused with Menardi. Bitchiness. . . seeping in. . . can't. . . keep. . .  sanity. . . RRAAAAAWR!!

Day 79 

Fell into lighthouse. Bummer. Did manage to inform Menardi that she was a useless bitch who'd never have a man because she looked like one herself on the way down. Thankfully died before she could respond.


	6. The MYSTERIOUS! Secret Diary of ALEX

You love me! You really do! *glow* 

Time for another then? Alright mister pretty boy Alex, time to tell us the 411.

**----------------------**

**The Secret Diary of Alex**

**----------------------**

Day 1 

Mia so boring. Expects me to scrub the Mercury Lighthouse toilets AGAIN?

Day 2 

Told Mia some cock-and-bull story about going to get milk, then high-tailed it out of there. Imil-dwellers so not pretty. They bring me down with their unprettiness.

Day 5 

Met some rather shady characters in a pub. Actually, not so much shady as gaudy. Red face-paint? Please. That's so last century.

Three Years Later Day 1 

I am so mysterious.

Day 2 

Accidentally overslept. Arrived in sparkly room to find Menardi glaring at unwashed children. Saturos questioned me. Told him it was a secret. Stupid man, prying into my business. Who is he trying to kid with that Mohawk?

Day 3 

Suddenly have two new companions. Girl very pretty and stupid. May possibly be prettier than I am. Cannot dispose of, as is Felix's sister. Ugly old man too. Not worth mentioning.

**Day 4**

Pretty stupid girl rather annoying. Keeps asking me questions. Must maintain mysteriousness at all costs.

Day 8

Now Saturos asking questions. Do I have to repeat myself? It's a secret, no matter what it is.

Day 9

Needed to get away. Teleported to the beauty salon in Kalay. Getting split ends. Sad.

Day 13

Menardi gets so worked up over little things. So I misjudged my landing point a little. So I landed on her head. So she was unconscious for 5 hours. What is the problem? There was really no need to call me "a stupid looks-obsessed girly-man with hairspray for brains." Suspect she's jealous of my clean hair. Hers is all frizzy and dirty and . . . ugh. So unattractive.

Day 15

Saturos such a boring man. Felix not much better, but still better than mister "Too cool to be your tool".

Day 16

Felix asked why I was hanging around. Replied "It's a secret". Gave me weird look. All of them so baffled by my enigmatism . . .

Day 18

V. annoyed with Saturos. How dare he look through my _private _photo album? Ugly people are so malevolent.

Day 19

Crap. Ran into Mia. Was promptly staffed in the head. So unforgiving.

Day 20

Enigma enigma enigma . . .

Day 23

Jenna's purple scrunchie rather appealing. Wonder what it would look like in my hair?

Day 24

Had to run far, far away as Jenna surprisingly vengeful about minor scrunchie-borrowing incident. Also surprisingly fast. 

Day 27

Hate Saturos. Has no secret keeping ability at all. 

It'll take weeks to get these burns in my pants fixed. 

Day 28

Grr. Saturos still a pain. Keeps laughing at me. Didn't laugh so much when I threw a rock at his face though. So even the (big, blue, ugly) devil can cry.

Day 30

Slight miscalculation caused running tackle at Saturos to connect with Menardi. Had most unpleasant time falling down a cliff with her punching me in the back on the way. Made sure to land on her though. Mustn't ruin hair.

Day 31

Menardi howling like a banshee at all of us. Saturos looking aggravatingly smug. Jenna bewildered. Ugly old man . . . who cares. Felix distraught. Wonder why.

Day 32

Oh dear god. Felix has the hots for Menardi.

Day 33

Saturos trying to look through my stuff again. Told him to leave my secret stuff alone. Didn't expect another flaming pants incident. May need new trousers soon.

Day 34

Eeek, my hair dye is missing! Why god WHY?!

Day 37

Being nice to Saturos not fun. Especially when he orders me to kick Menardi in the shins. Definitely need new pants now. Burned into shorts.

Day 39

Stupid rough/pretty boy Felix putting old man blame on me. It was most certainly NOT my turn to keep track of him. Had lapse of sanity and blamed Menardi. Lost a metre of my hair. Bitch.

Day 40

Snuck up behind Felix in the dark and gave him the freezing of his life. Then tricked Jenna into "melting" him. And he didn't know it was me. 

Because I am mysterious. Ha.

Day 43

I am the man with no past.

Day 44

Felix all edgy and strange because of missing book. Didn't know he kept a diary. Seems rather attached to it, seeing how he beat up a whole gang of teenagers who looked at him funny. Have decided to stay well away from him. Rough/pretty types extremely volatile.

Day 45

Uh oh. Felix giving me evil looks. Just to be on the safe side, teleported away faster than lightning. 

Day 47

Lalivero all sandy. Ick. Bought some new pants. Lovely shade of purplish-grey. Bought some butterfly clips for peace offering to Jenna. Pretty-types must stick together in face of ugly, nasty comrades.

Day 48

On my way back through desert when found young plain girl wandering around like a lost kitten. Felt sad for her and picked her up. Scratches like a kitten too. 

Day 49

Got lost. Luckily kitten girl has good sense of direction. Have renamed her compass girl. 

Day 51

Returned (mysteriously!) to the group to warm welcome. Warm because of desert, not group. Saturos leering at my compass girl. How rude, she's mine.

Day 52

Compass girl attacked Menardi for no reason. Not that attacking Menardi needs a reason. Saturos was laughing till compass girl yelled "What are you laughing at, freak?" and kicked him in . . . _the region. _

I have good taste in women.

Day 55

Owowowowow. Saturos completely overreacted to innocent observing of him sleeping. Seemed to lose it when told him it was a secret. Touchy touchy . . . owwwww.

Day 57

Saturos disappeared. Felix looking sinisterly happy. Hmmm.

Day 58

Have become Jenna's confidant. Feel special. Told me she has the hots for Saturos. Didn't comment, only told her that blue wasn't her colour. She looked thoughtful. V. pleasing.

Day 61

Woke up to find Saturos back, glaring at me. Told me not to "mess with" him anymore because he's "extremely pissed" and "worn out" and "dirty" and won't "take anymore of your crap". Feel a bit annoyed. HE'S the one who stole my hair dye.

Day 64

Was walking along quite innocently when Menardi blasted me with seven fireballs in a row. Screamed "STAY OUT OF MY MAKEUP BAG YOU THIEVING LITTLE PRETTY BOY! DON'T YOU DARE TAKE ANOTHER BOTTLE OF HAIR GEL!" What on earth . . .

Day 65

Spotted compass girl using jar of hair gel. Humpf. This is the thanks I get for telling her exactly where Felix keeps his choc-chip cookies.

Day 69

Finally out of desert. What a relief. Hair feels terrible and greasy. Need a shower. None around, so doused myself on the head. It will do for now.

Day 70

Felix dragged me into hissy fit with Saturos. Stood to the side and listened to Felix ranting "You took my book! I know you did, I can see it on your stupid-bastard face! That was PRIVATE, PERSONAL stuff! Give it back now!" Saturos said no. Was alarmed – and fascinated – to see Felix burst into tears. Took cue to leave.

Day 71

Distressed, weepy Felix waking me up in the middle of the night. Doesn't know what to do about hots-for-Menardi problem, and is convinced Saturos will show her the book. Told him to tell her how he feels. Seemed agreeable to answer. Said he'd tell her tomorrow.

Hehehehe . . .

Day 73

Suspect Menardi caused Felix brain damage when she exploded at him. Walks around in a daze, mumbling nonsense and poetry. Quite amusing actually. Tied flowers in his hair and stuck a "LOVE ME" sign on his back.

Day 75

Another lighthouse. Ho-hum. Waited till the six dolts were around the corner, then teleported out. Goodbye to them. Ah, Alex, they hardly knew thee.

Day 76

Because I am mysterious.

Day 79

Was having lovely beach day on Idejima when earthquake started tearing up the ground. Dropped my pina colada. Sad. Drifting in the ocean no fun.

Day 80

Of all the floating landmasses Jenna and ugly old man had to wash up on, it had to be mine . . .

Day 123

Was braiding my hair when found compass girl and Felix washed up on shore in very strange position. Positive it isn't natural. Dumped sand all over them then called the other two over. Left to go finish my hair.

There are more important things in life than resuscitating people, you know.


End file.
